Lose the Chase, already

I recently watched the trailer of the latest upcoming Bollywood masala flick Badrinath Ki Dulhania, which is ostensibly a Part 2 to Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhania, with the same lead pair. The promo shows a simple (small?) town boy Badrinath, played by Varun Dhawan in hot pursuit of his far sharper Dulhania, played by Alia Bhatt.

The actual story line will become clear only once the film is there for everyone to watch, of course, but there is an aspect that already stands out: The insistent wooing by Badrinath. And it stands out for two reasons. The first, that Hindi films have come a long way. Unlike, the patterns visible up till the 1990s, there is very little screen time dedicated to guy-chasing-girl (thankfully). In the latest movies, in fact, there is almost always a natural evolution of relationships, without much ado. 

The latter is a reflection of the times, though, make no mistake, so is the former. In some sub-cultures, an insistent chase is still considered a very ok thing to do. Except, that there seems to be little understanding of what to do in case a very real rejection comes about in real life, as it most certainly will, for some people. We read every day in the newspapers about the dire consequences of humiliation suffered by rejected Romeos. The most recent case in point being the murder of the Pune based Infosys employee, who spurned a guard only to be strangled to death.

Cases like these are of course, extreme and as the notion of female choice make home in our collective psyche, they will become increasingly lesser. But let us talk about why this sense of humiliation even comes about. I mean, think about it: You like someone, that someone does not respond, what do you do? You move on. Or you mope around for a while and then move on. Quite likely, to someone else. Either way, the end result is the same.

But the notion of humiliation often comes about in the first place when there is ego identification involved. In a world where, much like you acquire a good job, a house and a car, you also acquire a woman in your life, and thus she becomes an extension of your ego. This is partly to do with the fact that women have been getting objectified for forever and a day. Even if they are expected to possess a mind of their own, a higher will compared to the man is often complicated business.

Even when a mindset of the kind does get the ‘object’ of its desire, there are very often, complications later on. As has been very eloquently worded by one of India’s most popular stand up comics Papa CJ recently as a facebook status message:

“I don't claim to know much about romance or relationships but I do know that when a man wooing a woman stops making an effort after she is wooed, she begins to feel like an acquisition. And that's not a good feeling. So boys, either keep it up or don't start something you can't sustain.”

We need ever more status updates like these to counter balance any tendencies in the other direction.